Jenisms

Things I think about and/or have learned over time:

1.              Crying is done best in the shower: The rain is nice too, but people are usually around in the rain, and plus, it’s harder to focus on whatever the hell you’re crying about when your clothes are all gross and sticking to you.

2.              When you feel sorry for yourself, it’s a lot easier to keep feeling sorry for yourself.  When your happy, it seems to be pretty short-lived.

3.              When you really need to take a picture of something, and you’re lucky enough to happen to be carrying around your camera, the damned thing will probably be dead.

4.              Wearing heels always seems like a good idea until three minutes into a party.

5.              Mac computers are, in fact, way better than PCs.  (#6 correlates to this fact.)

6.              PC people hate Macs, until they get a Mac, then they just hate themselves for prolonging the time in which they got their Mac.

7.              No matter what you do or how smart you are, you will not be able to block all light from coming into your bedroom.  That’s why vampires sleep in coffins.

8.              Girls, at least one of your newly painted nails and/or toenails will always get messed up after a manicure.

9.              Guys, “I’m sorry” is not ever enough, chocolate is always always the official makeup seal.

10.          Spandex for fat people is never okay, not even if you’re a fashionable fat person wearing fashionable leggings.  I’m sorry, I didn’t make up that rule.  I just enforce it to the point of death.

11.          It never occurs to anyone to listen to happy music when they’re sad.  I always tend to listen to music that should be labeled “Music that ensures to make you feel even lower than you already do.”

12.          I always hate reading until I start reading a book I like and then I walk around telling people how much I love reading, until I finish the book and start the process all over again.

13.          I vow that I need a vacation until I go on vacation and miss home.   Then when I get home, I miss vacation.

14.          When I read a really funny, down-to-earth book I form a love/hate relationship with it because as I’m laughing, I’m secretly thinking, “Fuck you, [author], I could have written this.  I think this shit up all day.  I just never thought anyone would care about reading it.  Now you’re a millionaire and fucking copyrighted it.  Asshole.”  Then I praise the author to everyone I know and desperately search for more of his/her books so I can do the same thing all over again.

I feel that the faster we, as cultured and educated human beings, accept these things, the better.